In 1995 the Wildlife of Vancouver concluded that “please leave us alone, we have a right to be here, if you don’t like it, suck it.”
Selfish humans have taken over Stanley Park (some with their children + dogs off-leash)
While the humans of the world have been so wrapped up in celebrity life, trying to keep up with the Jones, and trying to find a work life balance, they occasionally trip into nature—not paying much attention to the damage they are inflicting upon us.
Not only do you humans’ trip into nature, but developers destroy our homes to build more homes for you.
What are you racing towards: extinction?
You, humans, are mass murders, pure and simple. You do not care about the well-being of the animals that share the planet with you. Most of you do not care when you invade our habitats, forcing us into extinction, turning what once was wondrous, bio-diverse, eco-systems into new communities only sustainable for your own consumptive urges.
Another sub-division—thousands of deaths.
Do you want to come over for a barbeque and a swim?
The wildfires rage—plumes of smoke rise and impact communities thousands of miles away. My home city of Vancouver (Stanley Park) has the worst air quality in the world for a few days. People are advised to stay indoors. The news flashes scenes of humans, barely escaping the onslaught.
“We’re losing everything. OMG. We’ll have to start over.” Cry. Cry. Cry.
In the meantime, new developments are nearing completion; thousands of acres are felled.
Not once was one of us animals interviewed about the impact on them.
Imagine an animal, “We’re losing everything. OMG. I guess we’ll perish.” Silence.
Displaced refugees from the wildfires move into the new subdivision and repeat the cycle once more.
Plumes of smoke continue to rise.
Animals can’t go indoors.
Bird's flight paths are skewed.
Humans don’t care.
Humans build a new subdivision. They fell thousands of acres of trees. Is it humans’ turn to perish next?
My name is Wiley, I’m a coyote, I’d like to take a moment to speak for the rest of us, including the squirrels, the birds, especially the crows, because I’ve heard they are incredibly intelligent—and all other wildlife in my world.
I don’t like eating squirrels, they are nimble little critters, tough to catch, but they sure are tasty, they are our chicken.
Most of us, well, we mind our own business, Bobby and Sissy just welcomed a new addition to their family, a pup, as of yet, unnamed.
Bobby + Sissy have never hurt anyone, they don’t even like eating squirrels, they are vegetarians, yuck, whatever that is?
Anyway, I’ve noticed lately, more and more of those pesky humans coming into our world, carrying sticks and rocks. Their pets, dogs, off-leash, tugging at their owners’ leashes, running jumping, occasionally nipping at their people’s ankles. It looks fun. Watching these humans playing with their canine friends, most of us would like that life, a few of us try it out—a human runs by—signalling, playtime, so what does Riley do, he chases after and nips the ankle in a playful manner and the human goes nuts, screams and cries out “IT’S MY PARK. GET RID OF THE WILDLIFE.”
Could you imagine, if my friends and I, are gone, what do you think the squirrels will do with free reign? You think the odd playful nip is troubling, wait until a pack of rabid squirrels start thinking they’re invincible.
The other day, I was sharing berries in Bobby + Sissy’s den when a pack of fat paranoid humans walked by. We wanted nothing to do with them. Suddenly, they started waving their arms in the air. They started to throw rocks and sticks at us—my instinct was to chase the stick and bring it back to them—I didn’t—they looked deranged, unhinged, they were shouting, “Go Away Coyote” —something only I understand because I’m the only one us coyotes who is multi-species-lingual.
I read an article saying it’s our turf now. NEWSFLASH: it always has been.
I read a story about a man (shortly before midnight) who we tried to drag away after he “unintentionally” ran it one of us on a motorized scooter. I don’t believe his account. We don’t eat humans—most of them aren’t free range. Shortly before midnight?
My human friend, Larry, told me his house cat bites him on the calves every now and then. Why aren’t there articles suggesting shooting house cats?
By golly, the best weeks in the park recently were when the Park Board closed the trails—a lot of disobedient humans ducked under the tape—we should be allowed to cull them.
With the exception of the deranged man attacking Bob and Stan with his motorized cart (at midnight) and the joggers who even after being told we’re playful, we’re really not interested in screaming, rock, and stick throwing, obviously, mentally disorganized, paranoid humans.
I’ve even heard, and read recently, you, humans, have been shooting yourselves, including the occasional innocent bystanders. Don’t even get me started on the Residential—
I find it laughable, the reports of “concerning encounters” —if I reported every time, I was freaked out by a raccoon—this article would be never-ending.
Why are they wearing masks? COVID-19?
Oh yeah, why aren’t you humans, up in arms, about the supposedly intelligent crows dive-bombing you?
Why?
Oh my, some of you are even suggesting it’s our carb-rich diet. Our what?
I think you people need to stop eating fast food—its messing with your brains.
Here are my suggestions for you humans.
Leave us alone.
Especially, at dusk + early mornings + at midnight.
Take out your bleeping earbuds.
We don’t want your food. If you are too stunned to try to feed us, why are you trying to kill us with your crap? Why don’t you go try to dance with a wolve?
Keep your kids and animals on a leash.
According to a recent Animals of the Wilderness report, Co-existing with the Humans program. The report concludes “the most effective but controversial method for removal [problem] humans is to…” youse guys seem to have destroying yourselves down to an art form.
We wildlife, don’t want any BTS Happy Meals. Unless of course, it contains Squirrel Nuggets. Most of you humans are far too gamey.
I spoke to one of you recently, 77-year-old Jim, he walks the park every day. We leave him alone; do you know why?
He walks.
Leaves us alone.
And for us, if you are moving too slow, we really couldn’t be bothered. Here’s a little stat for you, there have only been two incidents where one of my brethren has killed humans in North America—in a long time. While nary a day goes by, where we coyotes don’t hear the sirens associated with a mass shooting of humans trying to cull other humans. And besides, why do you think crows are so smart? I’m Wiley the coyote; I typed this OPED.
<Photo: Google>